Funeral Directors have a Super Secret Silent Language that is all theirs. It mostly consists of nods, looks and sighs. Those of us who share life with them know it too.
The “Let’s Go” Nod
In church yesterday, a text came through my funeral director’s phone. He left right before communion to answer it. As I re-entered the pew after visiting the altar, I made eye contact with him across the room and got the nod. It was time to go.
This nod says – in one motion – “Yup, it was a call, we gotta go. Sorry. We should have brought two cars. Rolling the dice today was dumb. Hurry up!”
The “I’m Outta Here” Two-Finger Salute
Now, if we had brought two cars, I would have gotten the two-finger, I’m Outta Here salute. This is the silent way he lets me know – from across a room – that he has to go and he’ll see me later. Who knows when later is? Just later.
The “I See You and I’m Sorry For Your Loss” Acknowledgement Nod
Every now and then, my funeral director will see someone out in public (ie: grocery store, kids’ gymnastics, etc) whom he has served recently at the funeral home. He has a special nod for this too. It’s a quick acknowledgment that yes, he sees you, he knows what you’re going through and he’s not going to talk about it, but he wants you to know that he cares.
Some people also have this weird idea that seeing a funeral director in shorts and sandals at the hardware store is akin to meeting the grim reaper at a football game. Their faces take on a rather pasty glow and they try to avoid eye contact. For these folks, my funeral director often uses the “I See You” nod and tries to offer a smile so they relax. It’s a really strange thing to experience, but most of us have seen it.
The “Sleep Well Sweetheart” Air Kiss and Sigh
In the middle of the night, as I drift in and out of consciousness, I often get the “Sleep Well Sweetheart” air kiss and sigh from the doorway of our bedroom. Usually I wake up to the incoming text or pager buzz, but by the time he makes phone calls and gets dressed, I am nearly asleep again. Rather than wake me up to say goodbye, I get this Super Secret Silent message in the wee hours of morning.
The “Wait Right There” Nod and Waive
Every now and then I have to stop at the funeral home during a service or visitation. When my funeral director spies me at the door, I either get a waive in or a “Wait Right There” Nod and Waive.
Depending on the environment inside and the attitude of the family within, I either go in – or stay out. This nod has saved me a lot of embarrassment and uncomfortable encounters. Sometimes, walking into a tenuous atmosphere, as an uninvited guest, can raise a lot of questions. I like this nod.
You see, every funeral director has their own accents and dialects of the Super Secret Silent Language that they use. They develop this body language to do their jobs well. Whether it’s interacting with us or with those they serve, part of the talent of being a good funeral director is learning how to communicate well.
What are some of your funeral director’s Super Secret Silent words?
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